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Chapters:
Intro | 01
| 02 | 03 | 04
| 05 | 06
| 07 | 08

Trying to Explain the Need to Feel
I felt inarticulate when trying to explain to Dr. W. that I seem
cut off from my emotions. Often an emotion will hit me three days
after the event that triggered it, far too late for an appropriate
response. I know intuitively that I need to be more connected. There
is a desire to cut through to the heart of the problem, to let the
pressure bleed out. Perhaps then I could talk about it.
Dropping frozen memories into the ocean seems a gentle way to thaw
them, releasing the emotions now that I am safe to experience them.
The safety is the result of several factors; forty years have passed,
I have strengths now I didn't have then; there is no longer anyone
in my life who would hurt me; I have a compassionate professional
to guide and support me. It will be a slow process, with no easy
outs allowed. What is pulled apart must be rebuilt using the same
memories, now transformed by removal of the toxic residue.
Dream:
I was trapped inside a huge skull made of ice. Big machines
were taking sections of the sides and hauling them away to drop
into the ocean. I tried to climb up the side and out a hole (the
eye?) to avoid the machines. Someone was with me. We got to the
ledge near the hole and a man walked towards us. I hoped he would
pull us through but I think he was going to push us back. Later
in the night I dreamed that my head was smashed in and had to be
rebuilt.
Chapters: Intro
| 01 | 02 | 03
| 04 | 05
| 06 | 07
| 08
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